Women carry a tiny little human being for approximately 9 months and their hope is that maybe one day that tiny being will do something to make a difference in the world. But what about women that lose that chance in the very beginning of their pregnancies? What about their dreams and hopes for their baby? What about the men that will never perhaps get a chance to become fathers and teach their child things of this world? According to the American Pregnancy Association, 10-25% of pregnancies end up in miscarriages, that’s 1 in every 4 pregnancies that lose hope, gain a hole in their heart, and forever are scarred by the pain of losing a child that they immediately fell in love with but that never came to be. Our society treats miscarriages like it’s a cold that will eventually go away. Statements such as, “you’ll get over it,” or “it’s so common,” or “you’ll get pregnant again,” are just some things I have heard people say to women and myself, who have lost a baby, a tiny part of them, a little being in the first 20 weeks of their pregnancy. I find that people forget that miscarriage is not a choice. It’s a tragedy that shatters dreams in an instance. One minute you have your life planned out with this tiny baby growing inside of you and the next minute, it’s over. We need to come alongside people that are suffering from miscarriages and be of support. We need to empathize, empower and engage instead of ignoring, forgetting and blaming!
How do we help and become more aware as a society in today’s fast paced world? We do this by first, empathizing and not sympathizing so that we can begin to understand the pain and heartache that occurs. Ask yourself, “what if that was me, losing my child?” “What would I need?” Say things like, “I am here for you” or “how can I help you get through this pain?” It’s okay to not understand what they are going through but it is important to let them know that you’re there for them in this journey of healing.
Second, we need to empower women who have gone through miscarriage to self-care and not blame themselves. Women question their choices from A to Z, everything that may have made “them” lose their child. Self care is essential to healing.
Third, we need to engage with them by having conversations with their loss rather than brushing it under the rug as if it didn’t exist. The saying, “Out of sight, out of mind,” should not be applied with women who have gone through miscarriages. We need to talk to them, sit with them and engage in helping them heal through the loss by having grief groups specifically for miscarriages for example.
This is not a subject matter that should be hidden, it’s one that needs to come out of the shadows and be made aware of in our society. Next blog, I’ll go into depth about what the three E’s, Engage, Empower and Educate can do to help people who have gone through miscarriage/s and how we as a society can come alongside them and help them heal.